My last post, Just Ask, resulted from an upswelling of gratitude of all the people who answered my call for help. I put out there that I was out of control of my health and I needed help. I got so much more help than indicated in the post.
But what did I do with it? Not enough to show true appreciation for the efforts of my friends and strangers who gifted me.
They gave me more care than I gave myself.
This morning was my AHA moment. I used any excuse to put myself last. I even waited until I was exhausted to try to exercise and then I would fall asleep on the yoga mat. It was then that I realized that I had to change.
So today begins a new day. I’m going all-raw with a significant focus on juicing for the rest of the year. And I’m going to put into practice the gifts of love and spirit given to me by those who answered the call. For the last 4 years since my hysterectomy and slow weight gain, I’ve had every business incentive to take and keep the weight back off. But I didn’t do it. I’ve put on 60 pounds. Even though I knew it damages my credibility with my systems’ ability to make the raw-food lifestyle easily sustainable (“do as I say…”), I didn’t do it.
But dishonoring those who care about me by not truly receiving and employing their gifts of advice, services, concern – that galvanized me out of my apathy. And then I realized that it was how I valued myself that needed to be at the forefront of my change. Not my business, not my friends, not my son – but me.
I once had a reading by a psychic and she told me that I overthink things and stay in denial land – she told me that I needed to “chop wood and carry water” – just do it. I needed to work on my discipline, my sacral chakra.
SO THIS IS MY DECLARATION – I COME FIRST.
So here’s to the completion of my bestest magician’s trick – cutting a woman in half. I weighed in today at 220 lb. – the easiest marker to see – with a swollen left ankle and ravaged skin. I’m going to chop wood and carry water for the rest of the year (put into practice all of the loving advice and teachings of my friends and stay raw). And whenever I’m feeling weak or frustrated, I’ll blog up a solution.
My goal isn’t to weigh 110 pounds – it’s to feel vibrant, feisty, sexy, light, bright, bushy-tailed. I want to be juicy and limber. I want to be able to stand up without having to grab something to stablize myself. I want to have the energy to chase my son around – eventhough he’s 17 – and have a real chance to surprise and catch him.
THANK YOU SPIRIT FOR LOVING ME INTO LOVING MYSELF.