After weighing in on Monday morning to find that I’d lost two pounds, I decided that I would lose 10 pounds a month (I’d add in daily aerobic exercise). I sat down and charted it all out.
Oct. 13 – 206
Nov. 13 – 196
Dec. 13 – 186
Jan. 13 – 176
Feb. 13 – 166
Mar. 13 – 156
Apr. 13 – 146
May 13 – 136 – the weight at which I intend to film my videos
Jun 13 – Bodylift – including the girls – I want to be perky
Sep 13 – Brachioplasty – removing my wings – flappy underarms (the last vestiges of my obesity)
Oct. 13 – Sassy, Sexy, Visible (Joan, the woman)
OOOPS I DID IT AGAIN.
How simple and seductive it all is to chart out my life. There’s no need to live it, when I can just imagine it. Everything waits for me to lose weight. When I was a child, the perfect girly-girl wardrobe was waiting for me to lose weight. When I was in college, dating was waiting for me to lose weight.
Now making my videos is waiting for me to lose weight. (I’ll not even address the permission to be visible, sexy and sassy. I’ll leave that topic alone until I have nothing to do or think about.)
The logical part of me knows that I’ll be more credible as the creator of a system to make the raw-food lifestyle sustainable if I look like I sustain a healthy lifestyle. But the emotional part of me knows that there are so many people out there struggling with their weight, that me being honest and while-I’m-still-fat, making my videos.
Maybe it’s enough that I’m blogging about it.
My kitchen studio isn’t ready yet, nor do I have the video/audio equipment yet – it’ll take a few months (I’m going to do a fundraising campaign on Indiegogo – so please support me – the gifts will be many of the products and services that I sell on this website, but they’ll be discounted because I need to raise a lot of money to get the raw-lifestyle center (the Healing House and Grounds) into shape to become a community wellness center as well as my raw-food lifestyle center.
So maybe I’ll do the videos after that, without regard to my weight.
I’ll think about it. And when the time comes, I’ll see how I feel about it.
Thinking and feeling are very different.
No matter what, I’ll blog about it.