I’ve just spent a few days on the slopes. The slippery slopes of giving in to voice of my addictions. I didn’t slide too far, but I slid fast.
It started with a dinner with a friend where I ate the marinara sauce and told myself that it was an okay or lesser evil option. Why I didn’t just abstain I don’t really understand. At the time that I ate – I wasn’t hungry. But ate I did. I told myself that I needed to have balance.
The following day I had to have balance again. This time I was at a hotel where a marketing training was being held. I brought my own juice, but I wanted to eat in communion with others. So I had marinara sauce (way too salty) and the next day I progressed to hummus. After that, I just sought out reasons to eat.
What I find disturbing is how quickly I sought to find my oblivion or escape through the food offered. It’s not that I ate a lot. But it’s the rapidity that I abandoned what I said I wanted for myself.
My little excursions into cooked sauces and blends quickly led me to a New-York-style-Wings-and-Fries place, where I ate french fries and chicken tenders drenched in different sauces with my 17-year-old son and his friend. On a few occasions I heard a call to stop, but I ignored the urgings (if I was going to be bad, I was going to be real good at it). The only reason why I stopped short of being stuffed was that I knew that eating this food so soon after a cleanse, could cause great discomfort. Many aspects of my life suffered from this deviation from my commitment – namely my morning exercises. I still did them, but not with the same verve and intention as before – they were weak and uninspired – and I dropped the number of repetitions.
Luckily, I didn’t allow myself to wallow for long. I got back on my juicing/blended horse.
This morning was a new day. Just as tomorrow will be. And every day thereafter.
Every day I can make the choices to keep my commitments to optimal health or to strive for “balance” or to hobble along on my crutches.
That said, I must note that I didn’t weigh in this Monday (a few hours ago) – again the product of my conditioning. As if “if I don’t get on the scale, I won’t have gained weight.” Like, “if a tree falls in the woods and there’s no one around to hear it, would it make a sound…”