I peeked at the scale today, one day early. It was Sunday morning and I’d committed to weighing myself only on Monday mornings.
I was shocked. I’d only lost 1.4 lbs. since my weigh-in last Monday.
I’d started exercising, walking 5 days last week (sometimes twice in a day). So I just knew the scale was going to show that I’d lost 5 or 6 lbs. Somehow I thought that the numbers I had graphed on a piece of paper would magically come to pass. Week 1 – 5 lbs., Week 2 another 5 lbs., Week 3 another 3 pounds and then 2 pounds per week thereafter. I had used logic to estimate how quickly I could lose weight. I knew there was no way I could sustain a 5 lb. per week weight loss after the initial water weight, so I’d been reasonable with my caluculations.
I told myself that what the scale said didn’t matter. I told myself that what mattered was my mobility, flexibily and credibility. I told myself it was the reduction of swelling in my left ankle that would tell the real story.
But escaping the gravitational pull of my conditioning is a near impossible thing. So what the scale said caused me disappointment. I had so wanted a weight loss of 10 pounds within the first two weeks. So much so that the devil on one shoulder whispered that I could do a water fast for the day and go to a sauna. Anything to drop those 10 lbs. in two weeks. It was a tempting thought, just as doing the master cleanse or doing the HCG (hormone) protocol are thoughts that drift near the edges of my consciousness. The angel on the other shoulder just shook her head and reminded me that those options smacked of an unhealthy and unsustainable relationship with food.
Thankfully, I didn’t let that disappointment discourage me or give me permission to eat food from my old habit menu.
My reaction was healthy – disappointment, recognition of my situation, resignation to a slower (but healthier) weight loss, staying the course (no binging even with raw food), and lastly, checking my ankle and seeing that it wasn’t swollen.
My unswollen ankle was cause for celebration. Sticking to my word and staying raw and doing my exercises everyday were victories worthy of celebration. However letting them be overshadowed by that one-dimensional scale, is the work of my conditioning.
Conditioning can be an incredibly strong and unforgiving force.